I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
