i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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