We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
