East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
