I need to stop coming to work sober
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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