i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
