Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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