he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize