I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
