The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
