Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
