My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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