Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
