Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
