You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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