2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
