The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
