My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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