At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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