He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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