does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
