I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
