I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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