as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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