Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
