my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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