I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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