goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
