i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You left your phone here
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