my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
