So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize