I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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