Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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