Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
