Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
