I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
