I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
