Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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