He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
