im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
