i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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