I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
