My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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