Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!

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(951): View more from California

ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am

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(864): View more from South Carolina

So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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(216): View more from Ohio

normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.

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(347): View more from New York

How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"

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(210): View more from Texas

I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I peed in front of kids, unfortunately

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