she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
