Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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