We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
