It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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