This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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