Where did you get a picture of my penis
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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