Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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