Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
