apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
