Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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