Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
