I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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