I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
