My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
