Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
