alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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