I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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