he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I am one with the molecules
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
