I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
