if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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