oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
