are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
